So I'm living in Nashville, surviving alright I guess. Freaked out all the time, but surviving... and in school when there's money there to pay for it. I was only on campass one semester and then living in apartments thereafter, working and going to school.

Life was hard. But who is life not hard for? All the while, I loved the thought that I was living on my own! I was living IN NASHVILLE, studying music! The longer I was in school, the more I came to discover that maybe I DID have some natural ability! The last few semesters I was at Belmont, theory even got easy. For the first time ever, I was a good student. My family back east gave me their blessing, and believed in me. And I believed in a GOD who had good plans for me. Plans to prosper and not harm me. Plans for hope and a bright future! (Jeremiah 29:11) True as this may be... I questioned it at every new struggle.

Like the times when my car would break down, and I had no money to fix it. One of my jobs during college was delivering pizza, so HAD TO HAVE a working car. These were the times I would come to really question God. In hind sight, He has given me an amazing life! He's always provided somehow or another. He's kept me sane. He's kept me in one piece. He's kept me aware of His love for me that will never leave or forsake me, but will work out all things for my good. But as soon as a problem comes that I can't figure out myself reletively quickly, I shake my fist in the face of God and ask WHY, and make all sorts of demands.

"What will I eay? What will I drink? What will I wear? Where will I live? Who will I love? What will I dream?..."

Then I remembered that God has already addressed my concerns in His Word.
In Matthew 6:25-33.

When I remember what God has said, all I can say is this:
"...how I long to be with You, and have no questions."

So really, who am I to question God? I mean really... questioning God only reveals the lack of trust on my part. A lack of trust in a God whom I know personally, and who has proven His love to me time and time again. "Perfect love casts out fear". God loves me. I need not fear.

After a lengthy confrontation with God, Job came to the same conclusion.

For almost 40 chapters in the book of Job, he and his friends are questioning "How could this happen? Why did this happen? Is God punishing you?" There is also the going question - in all of his terrible circumstances, will Job finally just snap, give into his distress, shake his fist in the face of God, and curse Him? In the end, God does not immediately "fix" Job's circumstances. He "fixes" his perspective.

Job 38:1-4

Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand."

Then God continues for several chapters on His ability to rule with love, power, and intimate involvement over all that was His creation to begin with. Job needed to see that more than he needed his circumstances to simply be changed, or made more comfortable. By the grace of God, Job got it!

Job 42:1-6

Then Job replied to the LORD : "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

So our prayers are quite often not to converse with the God that we intimitely know and love, but rather attempts to get God to make our lives better. To change our circumstances to something more comfortable. So we can go on without really needing Him. We are quick to convince ourselves that "no one struggles more than I do..." But that's simply just not reality. We do need God! And our struggles do not surprise or overwhelm Him like they do us. We do well to come to a place of surrendering, trusting, and believing that He WILL protect those who love Him. His own Word says so.

"How I long to be with You, and have No Questions".